Reflections #0035

Covid and Collective Trauma

My memories from Covid time are fading. Some of the most familiar stories I remember involve extreme emotions of fear, loss, resilience and compassion.

1. I remember feeling like a warrior against a massive force of nature that I had no idea about. There was suddenly a lot of free time to fill up as most things were on a halt — the fear of not knowing also evoked the need for certainty. There were unforeseen situations to deal with. In almost denial of reality, I was making and re-making plans before everything fell apart again and again.

2. I remember feeling choked up reading the number of death rising globally during the first wave and nationally in India during the second wave. Every death I saw around me made me feel helpless and clueless. I discovered a new relationship with praying and involved myself in a lot of self-care work. But no matter how much I did, I felt overpowered by grief and guilt.

3. While there was helplessness and insecurity, I also saw enormous amounts of generosity and kindness unleashed. Everyone tried hard to care for and protect themselves and their near and dear ones. Fearing loss, I also went from doubting the efficacy of our healthcare system to securing safety from my friends and family.

It’s been over a year and a half since the lockdowns were lifted. Most of the adult population in the world is physically secure with the vaccine. Festive and Holiday seasons are back better than before.

We collectively deny the shared trauma as we try to get back to old patterns. I find it hard to miss some of the emerging trends -

1. People are living dual lives online and offline. While trying hard to manage the commitments made in the natural and virtual world, there is increased anxiety and an even shorter attention span.

2. It feels harder to connect with new people. The people feeling overwhelmed seem to be compulsively holding onto their safety nets. This puts undue pressure on previous attachments, which seem to be experiencing extremes of both joys and sorrows.

3. More seems possible in the work domain as the world seems more connected and accessible. But at the same time, there is a greater sense of disconnection from colleagues, and the more transactional nature of the gig economy is making everyone a competitor.

I felt a lot of what I did during the last two years came from a space of ‘covering up the lost ground’, ‘making the most of new opportunities and ‘trying to bring my life back to normal’. In doing this, I was responding to my wishful reality rather than the actual events. How do the residues of your experiences colour your actions?

Through my offering of Learn| Live| Lead| Love, I am trying my best to work with compulsive and impulsive parts that come in the way of a harmonious response.

Do you feel called for a year-long Quest in 2023? — https://linktr.ee/ankitchhabra